yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
someone owes me an orgasm
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
