just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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