Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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