After last night, I could never be a politician.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
