The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
