this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
