I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
