Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
