Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
