If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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