exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
