i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
