i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
