I'm really into asian looking animals
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
MIDGETS
????
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
