Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
