I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
