The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
