I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
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