I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
