its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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