Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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