My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He? As in you personified your dick?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
