I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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