i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
