I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
