I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
