So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
