I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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