Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
