Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
