Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
