Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
