conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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