I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
