At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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