porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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