If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
