i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
