On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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