Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
