I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
