We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
