Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
