I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
