Plan B is the new Plan A
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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