Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
