I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
