tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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