whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
