I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
