surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
