I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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