There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
and you fell through a lawn chair
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