Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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