return my video game
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
