just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is it because I queefed?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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