Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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