Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
