i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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