Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
