why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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