Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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