i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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