I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
