Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize