Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
