So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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