Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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