the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
