Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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