She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
