dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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