White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
