i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
