my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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