apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
