It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
