Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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