she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
