I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
