peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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