you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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