Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
