i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
