It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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