I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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