I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize