just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
