Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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