My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
