the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
