My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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