I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
