i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
