I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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