My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize