I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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