Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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