I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
