So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
