My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
