I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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