I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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