If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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