I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
