He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
