If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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