Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
