Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
