Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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