Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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